"it" just moved
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
