I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
