I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
