I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
