They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
