ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
