i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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