In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
