After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
