My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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