Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
