Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Come see our sink grown plant.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
