Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
