we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
