Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
