she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
