Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize