You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
