why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
