Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
