just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
