Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
