my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
