i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
