Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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