i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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