just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
