Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
