Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just want nice things and good sex
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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