im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
