May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
