I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
