I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
