Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I am naked and annoyed.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
A bitchslap is in order.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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