I wish I could punch you in the face.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
