The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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