dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
