I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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