He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
