she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize