I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize
