the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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