Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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