I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize