so explain again why im purple
no
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
