This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
