im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
