I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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