He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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