If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize