I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
