is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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