"it" just moved
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
