your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
