my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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