Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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