sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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