Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
