just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
