I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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