Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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