It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
