i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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