i just wanna soil my oats bro
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
