Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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