the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
