question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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