I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
