I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
soo... how was my night?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize