Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
