How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
