tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
