phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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