He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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